even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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