So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
