Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
