I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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