Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
