I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
