I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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