I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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