their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
