Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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