Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
