I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
do herpes really smell.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
