Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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