her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
