is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
