Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
