we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
PANTIES FOUND
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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