I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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