I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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