I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I will be naked everywhere
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
