and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
