If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
