How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
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Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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