She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
