I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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