hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
