Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
