Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
