I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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