i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Vodka?
Forever.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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