ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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