Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
