If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
