I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
