FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
