Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
