genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
