Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
