I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
