My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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