She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
