Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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