Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
