Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
