So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
