My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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