That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
