I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize