i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
