he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize