my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
