Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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