Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
