I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
