I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
