please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I look better un-naked...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
