6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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