You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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