I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
