New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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