The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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