he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
