So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
