The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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