I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
