I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
