my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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