But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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