I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
