Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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