oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
