How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
