I wish my penis had an off switch
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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