come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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