he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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