I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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